


You're Not the Man I Need You to be

by dancingsweetheart129



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Depression, Lots of Crying, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 02:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19097698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingsweetheart129/pseuds/dancingsweetheart129
Summary: Tim was giggling when they came back from the beach. They had the whole tower to themselves for the weekend, and they wanted to take advantage of it.It had been months since they started dating, and looking back, Tim was still hopeful. It wasn’t the smartest thing the pair had ever done, but it was so much fun at the start.Then the newness wore off, and Tim found himself getting mad about the lack of responsibility, about the refusal to grow up. And he found himself on the receiving end of the arguments about loosening up, having fun, actually acting their age.It was nice having a weekend just the two of them, trying to reconnect and get the fun back.“Babe?” Kon asked, pulling back from their kiss. Tim leaned forward for one more, desperate to feel that fun again. It just…It was different now.





	You're Not the Man I Need You to be

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, go listen to Gabbie Hanna's EP 2Way Mirror, because that's all I've been listening to and it gave me TimKon angst vibes and I needed to write something.

Tim was giggling when they came back from the beach. They had the whole tower to themselves for the weekend, and they wanted to take advantage of it.

It had been months since they started dating, and looking back, Tim was still hopeful. It wasn’t the smartest thing the pair had ever done, but it was so much fun at the start.

Then the newness wore off, and Tim found himself getting mad about the lack of responsibility, about the refusal to grow up. And he found himself on the receiving end of the arguments about loosening up, having fun, actually acting their age.

It was nice having a weekend just the two of them, trying to reconnect and get the fun back.

“Babe?” Kon asked, pulling back from their kiss. Tim leaned forward for one more, desperate to feel that fun again. It just…

It was different now.

He still got the butterflies, but they felt different. They didn’t feel new and exciting, they felt worried and dreadful.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Tim said with a smile, running his fingers through Kon’s short hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ve got sand in my hair.”

“I’ll be here waiting,” Kon beamed up at him, and that set his stomach a flutter. He hurried to the bathroom and turned on the water scalding hot. It felt nice against his skin, hurt in a good way as he rinsed the grit out of his hair.

The beach was great, and he knew it was just his bad thoughts ebbing at his brain again. They had so much fun running through the surf, making out on the shore, it felt so perfect. So he tried his damndest to put the dread out of his mind as the dirt and sand flowed down the drain.

He stepped out after his hair was free of sand, feeling a bit better. He started to dry it with a towel when he saw a little heart on the mirror, and he smiled.

But then he remembered that he had put it there himself a week or so prior.

That’s when he felt everything cave in on itself in his head.

It was just one other example of how inconsiderate Kon could be sometimes, how dense. When they talked, Tim would ask him how his day was, but he never got asked back. And it wasn’t that Kon didn’t want to hear about his day, it just never occurred to him to ask.

And it was starting to wear on Tim, that he felt like he wasn’t being _cared_ for like he cared for Conner.

He found himself on the floor, hand over his mouth, sobbing as quietly as he could as he cried. It was stupid, he was being stupid-

“Tim?”

Kon was knocking on the bathroom door, and Tim tried to respond but a small hiccup was all that came out. Of course Kon could hear him crying still, he had super hearing.

The door opened, and he looked up at Kon through the steam.

“What happened?” Kon asked, kneeling down on the floor with him, reaching out to cup his face. Tim’s stomach set a flutter again, and it wasn’t a feeling he could ignore. It grew, and grew, and he was still crying. “Tim?”

Tim shook his head and Kon pulled him in for a hug.

* * *

 

He got dressed after he stopped sobbing, giving hushed apologies to Kon as he ran to his own room with a towel around his waist.

And Kon didn’t follow him of course because he was so bad at reading his feelings. Sure, he could tell when his heart rate changed, he could hear when his breathing was off, but that meant nothing if he couldn’t tell what that all meant.

He pulled on a hoodie and a pair of plaid pajama pants before crawling into his bed and taking a few deep breaths.

He loved Conner, of course he loved Conner, they were best friends. It wasn’t like that stopped, they were still best friends, and he didn’t think he’d ever stop loving Conner.

But there was no way he could keep being half of a relationship. He wasn’t stable enough, and Conner wasn’t mature enough, and they were just not okay.

“Tim? Can I come in?” Kon asked, knocking on the door. Tim sat up with a sniffle, flipping over his pillow so Conner wouldn’t be able to see all the wet spots from his tears.

“Yeah,” He said, taking a deep breath and wiping his face.

“Hey,” Kon said, pushing the door open enough to slip into the room. “What’s going on today? I thought we were having fun.”

“Fun isn’t enough, Conner,” Tim shook his head. “Today felt so perfect, I did have fun today.”

“So what’s the problem?” Kon asked, striding in to sit on the bed beside him. “Why are you so upset?”

“Because we came back and nothing changed,” Tim shook his head. “We can’t just pretend we don’t have problems, they don’t just go away.”

“Yeah, but Tim-“

“I think I should go,” Tim mumbled, pursing his lips.

“Go where?” Kon furrowed his brows.

“I think I need some time away from you,” He sighed, and he felt Kon freeze.

“I mean if you think that’s what’s best-“

“No, Conner, I mean I’m going back to Gotham and I’m not coming back,” Tim decided. “Not for a while.”

“So, what, you just leave the Titans?” Kon asked, floating to his feet. “How could you do that? Just because we have problems?”

“No, Conner, not just because we have problems,” Tim scowled at him. “Because I need space.”

“Fine, whatever, take all the space you want,” Kon growled, stomping out and slamming the door behind him.

* * *

 

It was a few months before they ran into each other again.

Tim had cut his hair into a fade, keeping the top a little long, and Kon wasn’t wearing his dumb glasses.

But the difference was inside, Tim was still not right. And as soon as he saw Kon walk into the coffee shop in Metropolis, he thought about diving under the table. But then Kon made eye contact with him and smiled a tiny bit before going to the counter to order and he knew he was stuck.

He’d talked to Dick, he’d even talked to Bruce, but nothing was helping. Leslie wanted him to start taking medication for his depression, but he kept refusing.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to get better, he did. He didn’t want to be so upset all the time, he didn’t want to feel the emptiness in his stomach and the lack of motivation.

But he didn’t want to change himself. He needed to feel that sometimes because that was what drove him to save people and do right by them. If he was happy, if his brain chemistry was different, would he be the same person? Or would he finally have the strength to walk away from super hero life and live out his days doing what he wanted to do?

“Hey.”

Tim looked up from his coffee cup and met Kon’s eyes where he stood behind the other chair.

“Mind if I sit?”

“Go ahead,” Tim shrugged a shoulder. “How are you?”

“I’ve been alright,” Kon said as he sat down, setting his black coffee aside. “How have you been?”

Tim took a deep breath, stomach fluttering again.

“I’ve been good,” He nodded, and he tried to smile, he really did, but Kon furrowed his brows and he knew it didn’t work. “I’ve been really, really terrible, actually.”

“Anything I can do?” Kon asked, and Tim bit the inside of his lip.

“Can we go somewhere?” Tim asked suddenly, and Kon blinked at him for a moment before he nodded.

* * *

 

“You got a place?” Tim asked, glancing around the bare apartment.

“Well, temporarily,” Kon shrugged a shoulder, setting his coffee on the kitchen counter. “It’s winter so I don’t have a ton of farm work, and this was Clark’s but he and Lois moved to a bigger one and they didn’t want to break their lease so I’m staying here until it’s up in April.”

“It’s nice,” Tim said, easing himself onto the couch.

“So you want to talk?” Kon asked, shedding his jacket and tossing it on the kitchen table.

And Tim was just overcome because months prior he and Kon broke up because he wasn’t mature enough to care, and now here he was caring all over the place and Tim was still just as depressed and vulnerable as before if not more.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Kon asked, hurrying into the living room and sitting beside Tim, wrapping an arm around him as he started to cry.

“I’m wrong,” He sobbed, and before Kon could tell him he wasn’t, he took a deep breath. “I’m not okay, Conner. I’m really not okay.”

“What can I do to help?” The taller asked, putting his lips to Tim’s temple.

“You can stop doing that!” Tim shouted, shooting up from the couch. “You and I broke up, and now I feel like I made the stupidest decision ever because you’ve matured so much and I still lost my best friend!”

“No, hey, Tim,” Kon got up to grip him by his shoulder. “You never lost me. I’m always, always here for you, okay? I’m sorry if I didn’t make that more clear to you.”

Tim fell against his chest sobbing, holding on for dear life.

* * *

 

When he woke up in the morning, Conner was in the kitchen making breakfast. There was a mug of coffee on the table by an empty plate, and when he looked at it, it was made exactly how he drank it.

“Hey, you,” Kon said, smiling back at him.

“Hi,” Tim mumbled, picking up the mug to take a sip. It tasted bitter sweet.

“How are you feeling?” Kon asked as he walked over with a pan of scrambled eggs and started distributing them onto the plates.

“Like shit,” Tim shook his head, setting his mug down and sinking into the chair. “I want to say thank you for yesterday, but I still need some space.”

“Whatever you need, babe-“

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Sorry,” Kon said as he sat down.

“I-I’m tired, Conner,” Tim sighed. “I’m tired of being the bad guy, I’m tired of crying, and I’m really tired of pretending I’m okay when I’m not.”

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Tim,” Kon shook his head. “I love you no matter what.”

“But that’s not enough,” Tim argued, closing his eyes. “You can’t love me better. That has nothing to do with it. I need some space to work on myself.”

“I understand,” Kon nodded, staring down at his plate.

“If we do this now, it won’t work because I’m not happy,” Tim explained, and Kon nodded again. “In a while, maybe, but I don’t know.”

“What can I do to help?” Kon finally asked, poking at his breakfast.

“I need to help myself,” Tim mumbled, setting his fork down. “I’m going to go. Thank you for yesterday, and for letting me spend the night.”

“If you ever need me, just yell,” Kon said, and Tim got up and hurried around the table to kiss Kon’s forehead.

“For the record, I love you too,” He said, and Kon smiled at him sadly as he hurried to put on his shoes and grab his jacket.

* * *

 

Tim’s feet left the rooftop of the tower and he was airborne, but he wasn’t afraid this time.

It had been a year since he’d been at Titan’s Tower, and he’d already run through the entire building shouting for the one person he wanted, needed to see.

For once, he was excited and happy. He was looking forward to something again. It took a lot of talking to Dick, to Leslie, a lot of reading, a lot of exercise and eating right, but it helped enough to take the edge off. He felt like he wanted to help people for the right reasons again.

He was only falling for a few seconds before strong arms were grabbing him under his arms and holding him close, and he couldn’t stop smiling.

“What are you doing?” Kon asked, adjusting his grip on Tim. “You could have died.”

“I knew you’d catch me,” Tim said, gripping the back of Kon’s neck. “I came to see you.”

“I know, I heard you,” Kon said, furrowing his brows. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is great,” Tim said, and this time he did smile and it felt true. His stomach fluttered as Kon beamed down at him. “Everything is as good as it can be.”

“So you want to go somewhere and talk?” Kon asked, raising a brow.

“No,” Tim shook his head and hoisted himself up to give Kon a kiss.


End file.
